Vindication

How long should I take this?
How long must I be put to shame?
You have made me a laughing stock to my self;
A ridicule among the dead.

You said it is not for sin that I am tested,
instead You are teaching me a virtue.
But what virtue must I learn
that You would cause the life to be snuffed out of me;
To be doused by the cold and careless waves?
Oh Lord, I cannot understand
why I must go through such beating.

I could meddle with prostitutes,
And turn away from Your harsh chastisement;
Or move far away where my children cannot find me,
But in this battle I am bound to lose by opposing You.

It is You I fear, therefore I love;
It is Your unfailing love
That keeps me running back to You,
Your faithfulness proving how fragile and foolish a creature I am.

Fill me with Your understanding;
Let me weep on Your shoulder,
Somehow this agony would be eased;
That when again I stretch my wings I will not fear,
And on that day I will put my trust in You alone.

Dreams closing in.
His mind aches endlessly thinking of her;
His heart breaks knowing she is beyond his reach

Waiting.
Dreams closing in,
Penetrating his weary soul

Soon he falls into slumber,
Hoping another Day grants him fair love.

Lamay

Dawn is at hand
Still Slumber fails to conquer
My tireless Spirit

Seconds pass like hours
In the stillness of Night
Melting darkness into light

Dawn is at hand
Still Slumber fails to conquer
My weightful tired Body

Opportuny is precious
But so is Strength
Sleep, come now and make your kill

Dawn is at hand
Still Slumber fails to conquer
My mind that utter Chaos

Darkness slowly retreats
From the new day ahead
Night is wastefully spent

Where can I go
Where my heart's thought is valid?
I am broken
Tasting my own bittersweet medicine.

Am I entitled to be happy?
Am I entitled not to be alone?
I am facing a cold stone wall
Whispering thoughts my mind can't conceive.

I buried myself in words
Written by people enticed with themselves
In this hollow cold space
Hearing dirges I can only hear.

My dear traveller, I wish you can feel my innermost being
Feel the deep cut thru my chest
I have proven silver cannot satisfy
The deepest tragedies of my heart.

Sailing Home

Sailing home at last,
Morning breaks to shades to light;
Foreign lands bid farewell,
Hoping to glance at my face one last time;
Tomorrow holds uncertainty.

But my trust is in the Lord, my hope and my fortress.
In Him all things are sure,
All things already hoped for.

Sailing, I am sailing home
Sailing, I am sailing home.
With Christ in my vessel I can smile at the storm,
Until He takes me home.

Acacia Tree

Acacia tree, spread thy arms above me,
Ease my agony under thy leafy crown;
I am God's chosen.
In the evening as I dream,
Fold thy hands as a prayer for me;
And rest as the dark passes by.

Inner Ramblings in A Terrace at Noon

Reflecting on my spiritual life, my character, my leadership, my romance, my future
Thinking what can I do, what I should have done, what I would do
I feel heavy, frustrated, content, calm, eager, limited, anticipating
Waiting for a friend, a hand to reach out in the midst of pawns
To see me as I am, not what I do or what I have or what I am supposed to be
I am a creature longing to be set free, free as a bird
At this moment, I sail alone in this life-voyage, composed yet pointless
Today I eat, tomorrow I die. Life is but a chasing of a wind.
I dream of shore, my Promise Land. But no land at sight…
Waiting, watching from a distance, putting meaning on what seems to have none
I feel insignificant inside my cloak of pride. My life would be a waste, if not for You.
I am learning to put my faith not on people of weak spirits but to You
“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.”